Free-Write ... no edits... straight from the heart

I admit, there was a time when I felt that I would give the world to you. All the material possessions meant nothing to me and i'd give up everything I owned in exchange for just knowing that there was always that one person I knew I could go back to. I had visions of us growing old together, even while we were not speaking. You were the flame to that never ending candle; you were my future. And although people never seen it in us, I still held on to that one part of me. That one part of me that kept believing, that one part that kept sane. You understood me, you inspired me, you were my muse. And for that I wanted to be that person that would guard and protect you; I wanted to be that person that kept you happy. And if it meant for me to go away for a couple of years getting an education out of state, i'd do it for you. I did it because I was so sure you'd be there for me.

And there was a time that I felt it was meant to be. I thought everything would find it's place and we would look back and understand what they meant when they said "it was meant to be." lol And truly I don't know if I still feel the same way anymore. Part of me keeps telling me to move on, and I know I can, but it's just that this small percentage of me keeps telling me, if I give up now I will regret this for the rest of my life.

I remember when my uncle told me a story about my father and my mother. Right after their divorce, my uncle told my dad to apologize to my mom and everything will be back to normal. He told me that my father had to much pride, and refused an apology. Now my father regrets that moment and he will grow old with that. I look at that as a lesson and I don't want to make the same mistake.But I understood my father though. Love can actually make people do crazy things. He had to much pride to give in everything he has believed in.

What I'm trying to say is I knew I'm in love, there was never any doubt but I wanted to build a relationship; even if we it took a couple of arguments and realization. I felt like you were still finding yourself, and I still feel like I don't know who I am fully. I guess I wanted everything to be perfect; I didn't want to be one of those couples on 16 and pregnant minus being 16 and pregnant. You know what I'm taking about lol. It was love that brought them together, but they we're so young and naive. And yes I to have realized my mistakes but thats the point, we were there together side by side making mistakes and learning from them.

Our time is ending soon, I can feel it. Our separate ways have brought us further and further apart. Our future memories have been distorted by reality and I'm starting to feel like nothing can bring it back. I guess the only thing I was holding onto was hope, and hope is never good enough. You won. . .
-Archie (my last entry on love)